I have much higher expectations than “Life is not fair.”

To remain sane, grow, and reflect, I keep a journal. Today, I stepped through my written words of events as they unfolded. Bringing events to present and trying to be circumspect, I try to see the angle from which they speak. If possible, I try to pick apart incongruent thoughts, look for grounds that they provide to back up their claim, or identify the persuasive technique for their message.

Last year, at some point during a church service, the leader (yes, I am being vague) asserted the statement, "In our house, we have rules. The first rule of life is that it is not fair." Upon hearing that said, I felt like I was at an round about with turns down roads of visceral reaction, godless hope construct street, or the 18th century, antiquated judgement drive. To be quite honest, I was fed up with negativity and seemingly simpleton, broad brush statements.

I kept listening and found myself forcing my own thoughts in my head. I do not relate to "Life is not fair." It is negative and empty. A statement like that does not account for so many people who do good for others. That day, I ended up walking out. One day, at the right time, I would walk out never to return as I heard the same phrase, said and written in different ways, repeatedly using different words and adding personal gaslighting.

Life is fair. My glass, anyone's glass is more than half full. I guess I sit and ask myself, "How did you get to that conclusion that life is not fair? Where is Jesus in all of this? Where is mercy? Are you merciful? Do you understand grace? Are you here on Earth to make it unfair?" Coupled with the theme of life being unfair were snide remarks. Yuck.

As I grasp at straws to figure out the logic behind that statement, I read the Jim Kelly story in Sports Illustrated tonight and his beyond admirable battle with cancer. Quite frankly, I read the article three times, morphed it into .pdf form and emailed it to myself to refer back to. I am touched by his belief in Jesus. That man is so genuinely tough, but is humbled and surrounded by Jesus, and at his lowest knows that the Lord has his back.

My own health issues have not been nearly as awful as his. For this soft cupcake (referring to myself), migraines, weighing up to 250 pounds twice, isolation, subsequent serious clinical depression etc was far too much. This lasted for five years until it was all fixed and then, mono was my second rodeo last spring and summer. I cannot, no would I ever want to remember what "advice" people offered during that time. The road to my Hell mayhave been exacerbated by listening to and reading, "Life is not fair."

I made a list of things I would do differently last fall, for my own quality of life-should I ever get sick or feel flustered. The first item prioritized on the enumerated list directed at myself was to "recognize that you have more than you think you can account for at the present moment." The second most important item was, figure out slowly what faith model you want and stick to it. (I have always come back to the same one as it is a good fit.) The third item was-treat yourself well, as you would treat others. Furthermore express formal thank you as kind acts are few and far between. The fourth was-actively look for good, nice things to say to people and stick to it. All of those four things are psychological detox items that serve as chainsaw gifts for the greater good. I feel tougher when I follow my own regimen.

I assert that Jesus is the difference and the detox to the phrase "Life is not fair." I had never heard that phrase ever uttered by my parents, teachers, or anyone else until I moved here. The only phrase I heard was, "Life is hard." That sounded more reasonable and truthful, with every possibility of a happy ending and a few lessons yielding wisdom along the way. All of my prayers have been answered with the exception of maybe three or four things that I want (and could justify a need) that will happen with delayed timing.

Although Jim Kelly and I do not practice the same faith, three of my close friends are non-denominational. I defer to them a lot. The prayers they express on my behalf are deeply meaningful to me. They are also answered. Not merely out of reciprocation, but rather a place of gratitude for friendship for those three ladies do I include them every single night in my prayers.

This message was crafted from my iPhone. Please excuse any typos.