Simple and not so simple serendipity and glass overflowing

Today, I was in line at Target getting some new soup bowls as I had to throw away the old BPA plastic containers and upgrade. They were scratched up and annoying to clean. Serendipity continues in my life. This morning, I decided to take a leap of faith and pitch every single cheap plastic BPA-free container. Keep in mind, I had no idea what I would replace them with.

In line, the kind lady behind me in line remarked that she liked the speckled look on the soup mug. I remarked that I thought they had one left. They were slightly under $4 a piece. I'm a vegetarian, but eat eggs and fish (I think that's called an ova-pescatarian.) The lady asked me why I was replacing my dishes. My response to her was consistent with the information in the paragraph above-adding that I eat a lot of soup and vegetables and it just made sense. Also, I added that it was just time to streamline my kitchen stuff. Somehow, I knew I would find a cheap, sturdier alternative.

She replied, "You seem like a glass half full person."

The woman was incredibly kind. I agreed with her assessment and thanked her for the kind words. Truth be told, it has taken me years to get to this point. Based on paid advice from experts, I was able to avoid a lot of negativity.

Truly, I think I know what gratitude is. I own a blank journal that is titled "Finding Gratitude". I decided not to write in the journal. Instead, I've created quality relationships with others and write thank you cards. It's mutually fulfilling to say nice things to others, especially writing them. I look for the good in the world. While I'm keenly aware of scary things, and negativity or something upsetting- I swipe left. I guess, in a way, I try to help God help me see the good things-even the simplest of serendipity.

Every day, I pray for serendipity. Serendipity is Gods's gift and literal proof of silver linings and relief in times of grief, change, etc. I do not always have control of buffetings in life, but I choose not to unpack and live in darkness. I unpacked once in 2012, during health and faith issues and it lead to a place of almost no return. During this health issue, I worked a lot and had not established friends in Texas yet. I had a couple guy friends at work. We are in touch to this day. Adam, Mehdi, and Mike are the best-they are perceptive human beings. They knew something was wrong even though I didn't say anything.

This week had sobering news in it. Kate Spade, my favorite designer felt so sad, that she saw no way out. Anthony Bourdain, a brilliant writer, good man, truth teller, so well loved passed, too. When I heard about Bourdain, I shed a few tears while parked in the Target parking lot. That man, Anthony Bourdain entertained me at the worst time in my life. Depression is a cruel mistress-even the anti-Christ. I'm sure, almost positive they are in heaven or headed there as they've suffered through unimaginable hell.

The cruelty of depression starts with the unkind remarks we say in our own brain and then to one another-even in the most seemingly innocent of locker room banter. One does not have to go very far to hear petty slights, or aggressive, thoughtless mean comments. I understand the feeling of emptiness, with no safe place to turn when one is surrounded by these comments in every space one occupies. We're taught to show brave face and deny our own emotional integrity in times of large stress and "buck up", toughen up and muscle your way through things. I am proud to wear my feelings on my sleeve. It took me quite a while to open back up and lend some level of trust to strangers. When mean comments are said, I shut them down by walking away and smiling, or asking to change the subject.

Every day, I have any one of 5-10 friendships where we check in on each other. The messages we send are light, fluffy, but sometimes, serious. These days, my relationships are blessedly real. I give and receive hugs. It's a free, respectful existence. Life is good as I am not a little autobot yes person with Stockholm syndrome biting my tongue suppressing my most genuine thoughts (in a tactful way). I might hold them back until I find the right words to say.

My family is incredibly supportive and the love we share is real. I do not share the same beliefs as my immediate family, but it has all worked out. I am grateful for my past, present, and look forward to my future. My glass isn't just half full, it overflows-even during buffetings. God makes up the difference.

(Huge thanks to my friend for posting the leadership quote below on a social media platform.)